Monthly Archives: October 2015

When Publishers Don’t Have Enough Chocolate

I am ill, so this mock Twitter battle cheered me up. It’s between publicists at small Brooklyn press Melville House and giant Penguin Random House. Pretty sure these two people probably know each other — book publishing is a small industry. Click and enjoy:

Clash of the Twitters

Leave a comment

Filed under book publishing, Humor

Spam Poetry — The Animals are Revolting!

My pal Nila commenting on a former spam poetry entry reminded me that it’s been awhile since I’ve done a new one. This is in part because most of the spam comments I have been getting lately have been long lists of links for buying “innocuous” and “sheltering” herbal remedies and Viagra. But there has been a small theme in a few — warnings about animals:

Guys in your wedding geese to assist you for area towards you to be able to carrier one is why goose decoys be available in a sense. They don’t advanced. People with lived near geese for years and years recent have observed these features. As coyotes in order to transfer to towns, cities there is mostly a relationship to your lowering of feral but also free level housecats. The dogs might be wiped out so just like food stuff or to be able to a device from your terrain. He perhaps may be an additional injury using the coyote urbanization for the similar functions.

Apparently, an evil mastermind is using coyotes as an urban weapon, first targeting the cats and dogs to take over properties, and now has turned his attention to geese, which are uniquely scary to coyotes, which is why if you don’t have geese in your wedding to protect you, you can use geese decoys. Or something. (Personally, having been chased by a gaggle of geese as a young child, this makes perfect sense to me.)

But wait, there’s more:

The entire services market seemed to be restricting, Absolutely we hesitantly restructure or downsize, Milliseconds. As an annoyance god’s gifts to earth manager I quite often get hold of needs traveling squirrels. 

Absolutely, not only do you need geese or geese decoys to deal with dangerous coyote henchanimals trying to seize your property, but traveling squirrels (not the ones that are resting — the travelling ones, like the Avengers — will save your business from downsizing. Possibly by selling your goods and services for you to birds by hanging around those feeders in different locations. (Personally, this also makes sense to me as my mother has a savage scurry of squirrels in her front yard because she feeds them walnuts.)

But there is one very important thing that you need to remember:

But also outright one firm is involved in authorising a parrots for many a security program.

That’s right — the geese need back-up in their security duties and the squirrels are too busy travelling to help. Plus neither group really has any computer skills. So you definitely need a pandemonium of parrots to handle the cameras, infrared sensors, and encryption programs. Parrots certainly have the alarm system thing down. (Personally, this also makes sense to me because my sister used to own a parrot, Friday, and you could not make a move in that house that Friday did not know about. He may have had night-vision goggles.)

So remember, protect your home and business with animal associates. Might want to get a race of roadrunners in there too, to help with those coyotes. (Personally, this also makes sense to me because I once had a coyote sneak up behind me while I was walking my dog and sit in a farm track looking at me, seeming to communicate, “I could eat you and your little dog too if I wanted to,” before gracefully bouncing back into the brush and woods.) I kid — I love coyotes. But please do not send a band of coyotes to my yard, which is full of a herd of wild bunnies. Which are probably good for something.




1 Comment

Filed under Humor