Tag Archives: spam comments

Re-Focusing (With Spam!)

Flying Books Giph by A.L. Crego

Hello! Yes, a lot has been going on. Wildfires, hurricanes and floods, political hurricanes, and what I’m coming to think of as the year of the Troll King. I also was traveling, which was fun, but causes pile-ups. I don’t know how the businesspeople do it, but I can tell you I got to try out a couple of their airport lounges, as it happens, and they do not stint themselves.

I am going to be putting out new stuff, links, book coverage in the coming weeks. (Stop laughing, you’ll scare off my new followers. Hello new followers — you are intrepid!) But for tonight, to celebrate the return of autumn/spring (depending on your hemisphere,) here is some Double Entendre Spam Poetry! I have not had that much to work with in the Spam Poetry of comments for awhile. My spam all but disappeared for a bit, and then I started receiving hundreds of not very interesting spam comments about medical products. I guess the idea is that a tiny percentage of blog owners will see the comments in their spam filters and think, I need to buy some Viagra from Russia! It’s one part of the WWW I do not get. But these particular spam musings are delightful — and a little disturbing:

This mess which is used so that you can propel the liquid plastic resin right out the kick the bucket may be the crucial part of your bang extruder.

Well I definitely want to make sure my bang extruder is operating at key effectiveness. I think.

Special construction and shaft sealing devices are available for bloweer service requiring zero or minimal gas leakage

I think we agree that this is probably important. For the sake of the children.

the Glide Mouse mat ensures amnple room for your gaming mouse to roam fearlessly
without concern for soaring ooff the end of the mat and costing you that highly-valued headshot.

You know, I’m not entirely sure we want the gaming mice to be roaming fearlessly and shooting, um, heads.

I am gonna watch out for brussels.

Well that’s just rude.

 

Stay safe, good luck and good wishes.

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Spam Confusion

I have not done a spam poetry entry in quite awhile because I’ve been getting nothing interesting. (Although, it seems the German spammers have found me and send me fake comments in German, which might have something interesting if I spoke German. My German flatmate in Scotland tried to teach me some German long ago but I am physically incapable of making the back of the throat sounds that seem to be required for proper speaking of the parts of the language that do not sound exactly like English words which were originally German words we borrowed or is  the word Volkswagon.)

But I recently got a couple that struck me as worthy of exploring. The first one I think is a psychological test:

You are foregoing rest. You are forcing the children to make their own pancakes. If you jump into the binge pool, head first, then make sure it is the deep end.

It’s true! I have been foregoing rest! But why would I force the children to make their own pancakes? How terribly heartless! And if I jump into the deep end of the binge pool, won’t I drown? Wouldn’t shallow binging be safer? (Note to self: entitle something The Deep End of the Binge Pool before someone else steals it. Also, possibly, The Shallow Binge Pool.)

The word salads of strange translations of disparate languages creates a wonderful kind of art. You should contemplate it next time you are forcing your children to make their own pancakes. (Note to self: entitle something Make Your Own Pancakes.)

But there’s a new trend in spam advertising commentary, one that eschews flowery word salad and existential insights. Yep, they’ve gone for a reverse psychology approach. It’s the Men’s Rights philosophy — insult your target and she will be yours:

Hey, you used to write fantastic but the last several posts have been kind of boring.

This was of course attached to a post full of embedded videos from more than a year ago, not text by me, but no matter. The fact is that I am horribly, horribly chastened, yes I am, and I see nothing for it except to buy a designer handbag and sunglasses. Or possibly to just point out that such a bland insult is nowhere near as interesting as telling me how I should jump into a binge pool. And without waiting a half hour after eating the pancakes, so there.

 

 

 

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