Tag Archives: spam poetry

Re-Focusing (With Spam!)

Flying Books Giph by A.L. Crego

Hello! Yes, a lot has been going on. Wildfires, hurricanes and floods, political hurricanes, and what I’m coming to think of as the year of the Troll King. I also was traveling, which was fun, but causes pile-ups. I don’t know how the businesspeople do it, but I can tell you I got to try out a couple of their airport lounges, as it happens, and they do not stint themselves.

I am going to be putting out new stuff, links, book coverage in the coming weeks. (Stop laughing, you’ll scare off my new followers. Hello new followers — you are intrepid!) But for tonight, to celebrate the return of autumn/spring (depending on your hemisphere,) here is some Double Entendre Spam Poetry! I have not had that much to work with in the Spam Poetry of comments for awhile. My spam all but disappeared for a bit, and then I started receiving hundreds of not very interesting spam comments about medical products. I guess the idea is that a tiny percentage of blog owners will see the comments in their spam filters and think, I need to buy some Viagra from Russia! It’s one part of the WWW I do not get. But these particular spam musings are delightful — and a little disturbing:

This mess which is used so that you can propel the liquid plastic resin right out the kick the bucket may be the crucial part of your bang extruder.

Well I definitely want to make sure my bang extruder is operating at key effectiveness. I think.

Special construction and shaft sealing devices are available for bloweer service requiring zero or minimal gas leakage

I think we agree that this is probably important. For the sake of the children.

the Glide Mouse mat ensures amnple room for your gaming mouse to roam fearlessly
without concern for soaring ooff the end of the mat and costing you that highly-valued headshot.

You know, I’m not entirely sure we want the gaming mice to be roaming fearlessly and shooting, um, heads.

I am gonna watch out for brussels.

Well that’s just rude.

 

Stay safe, good luck and good wishes.

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Spam Poetry — The Animals are Revolting!

My pal Nila commenting on a former spam poetry entry reminded me that it’s been awhile since I’ve done a new one. This is in part because most of the spam comments I have been getting lately have been long lists of links for buying “innocuous” and “sheltering” herbal remedies and Viagra. But there has been a small theme in a few — warnings about animals:

Guys in your wedding geese to assist you for area towards you to be able to carrier one is why goose decoys be available in a sense. They don’t advanced. People with lived near geese for years and years recent have observed these features. As coyotes in order to transfer to towns, cities there is mostly a relationship to your lowering of feral but also free level housecats. The dogs might be wiped out so just like food stuff or to be able to a device from your terrain. He perhaps may be an additional injury using the coyote urbanization for the similar functions.

Apparently, an evil mastermind is using coyotes as an urban weapon, first targeting the cats and dogs to take over properties, and now has turned his attention to geese, which are uniquely scary to coyotes, which is why if you don’t have geese in your wedding to protect you, you can use geese decoys. Or something. (Personally, having been chased by a gaggle of geese as a young child, this makes perfect sense to me.)

But wait, there’s more:

The entire services market seemed to be restricting, Absolutely we hesitantly restructure or downsize, Milliseconds. As an annoyance god’s gifts to earth manager I quite often get hold of needs traveling squirrels. 

Absolutely, not only do you need geese or geese decoys to deal with dangerous coyote henchanimals trying to seize your property, but traveling squirrels (not the ones that are resting — the travelling ones, like the Avengers — will save your business from downsizing. Possibly by selling your goods and services for you to birds by hanging around those feeders in different locations. (Personally, this also makes sense to me as my mother has a savage scurry of squirrels in her front yard because she feeds them walnuts.)

But there is one very important thing that you need to remember:

But also outright one firm is involved in authorising a parrots for many a security program.

That’s right — the geese need back-up in their security duties and the squirrels are too busy travelling to help. Plus neither group really has any computer skills. So you definitely need a pandemonium of parrots to handle the cameras, infrared sensors, and encryption programs. Parrots certainly have the alarm system thing down. (Personally, this also makes sense to me because my sister used to own a parrot, Friday, and you could not make a move in that house that Friday did not know about. He may have had night-vision goggles.)

So remember, protect your home and business with animal associates. Might want to get a race of roadrunners in there too, to help with those coyotes. (Personally, this also makes sense to me because I once had a coyote sneak up behind me while I was walking my dog and sit in a farm track looking at me, seeming to communicate, “I could eat you and your little dog too if I wanted to,” before gracefully bouncing back into the brush and woods.) I kid — I love coyotes. But please do not send a band of coyotes to my yard, which is full of a herd of wild bunnies. Which are probably good for something.

 

 

 

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Spam and Eggs Poetry

Spam poetry now, more substance later:

The other day, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

This could actually be true. But yeah, it is off topic.

Sometimes, associations has the potential to not damp your out side, as well as make each of them feel disagreeable.

And of course, we all want our out side damp. And agreeable. Like Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice.

Regrettably short analysis gives you showed significantly more. Mars was seen as of course once whet, While the drier seabeds and so riverways of the fact that most rating the book’s surface area confirm. That is correct, It definitely needs water, As more sightings related to periodic streaking off mountain peak deals with related to ongoing planting season ice cubes burn provide,

Right, we need our out side damp in order to provide Mars with water while burning ice cubes. Makes perfect sense.  (Note: Burning Ice Cubes is the name of my new rock band.)

Last time, we talked about the Amistad case. The Amistad was a slave ship from Cuba. In 1839, it appeared off the eastern coast of the United States. The Africans on the ship had killed white crew members, including the captain. They demanded to go back home, to Africa. But the two remaining slave traders on the ship secretly sailed the Amistad toward the United States.

Yes, spam is now teaching us history lessons. This is the natural evolution of spam. Next week, we will learn about the Magna Carta and which shoes to buy.

Have a happy middle week folks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Spam Poetry, Philosophical Version

My current batch of spam comments, when not in Asian print characters, has gone from admonishing me to philosophical cultural commentary.

“Perhaps I’ve been looking at too many fashion magazines. There are a lot of them, proliferating in somewhat the way fashion itself has, as a decentralized system constantly mutating, replicating and deconstructing itself as the globe grows ever smaller. Increasingly, fashion has come to seem influenced not so much by monolithic and oracular editorial posses as by renegades, outsiders with few historical ties to the trade.”

Interesting thesis, give me a twelve page proposal on it by Monday. What? It could be true. I don’t know, I don’t read fashion magazines. What I do know is that A) 90 percent of fashion for stores is designed for fifteen-year-old underweight straight-figured girls, and B) fashion currently is frantically recycling styles from the 1970’s, 80’s, and early 1990’s, which I suspect is not very outlawy.

“’Whether an abduction occurred or not remains to be seen, and out of respect for those close to the ski, I’m not going to speculate on that at this time,’” Sheriff DiSalvo told reporters, adding that every second the ski remained missing its owner was losing valuable time on the slopes. “’Obviously, the pain of knowing one’s ski is out there somewhere, very possibly in harm’s way, is a lot to bear. I just can’t imagine if it were my own ski.’”

This is quite funny satire and fairly coherent, so I’m guessing they cribbed it from something. How this is supposed to sell me anything other than skis, I’m not sure. Perhaps it was penned by a renegade outsider with few historical ties to the trade.

“Fit a period restricted in songs. Similar to a patent is basically a fixed monopoly whereby typically the obvious support is actually awarded the particular unique to certainly make, work with, market the actual branded innovation for any confined time period. Once the name associated with defense has finished, typically the branded development goes in anyone area. Songs is no distinct after that an individual inventing anything.”

Sounds pretty, but doesn’t scan. I think they are making an argument for plagiarism of music and limitation of copyright. Why are they doing such a thing? They’re renegade outlaws! Don’t question it!

 

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Spam Confusion

I have not done a spam poetry entry in quite awhile because I’ve been getting nothing interesting. (Although, it seems the German spammers have found me and send me fake comments in German, which might have something interesting if I spoke German. My German flatmate in Scotland tried to teach me some German long ago but I am physically incapable of making the back of the throat sounds that seem to be required for proper speaking of the parts of the language that do not sound exactly like English words which were originally German words we borrowed or is  the word Volkswagon.)

But I recently got a couple that struck me as worthy of exploring. The first one I think is a psychological test:

You are foregoing rest. You are forcing the children to make their own pancakes. If you jump into the binge pool, head first, then make sure it is the deep end.

It’s true! I have been foregoing rest! But why would I force the children to make their own pancakes? How terribly heartless! And if I jump into the deep end of the binge pool, won’t I drown? Wouldn’t shallow binging be safer? (Note to self: entitle something The Deep End of the Binge Pool before someone else steals it. Also, possibly, The Shallow Binge Pool.)

The word salads of strange translations of disparate languages creates a wonderful kind of art. You should contemplate it next time you are forcing your children to make their own pancakes. (Note to self: entitle something Make Your Own Pancakes.)

But there’s a new trend in spam advertising commentary, one that eschews flowery word salad and existential insights. Yep, they’ve gone for a reverse psychology approach. It’s the Men’s Rights philosophy — insult your target and she will be yours:

Hey, you used to write fantastic but the last several posts have been kind of boring.

This was of course attached to a post full of embedded videos from more than a year ago, not text by me, but no matter. The fact is that I am horribly, horribly chastened, yes I am, and I see nothing for it except to buy a designer handbag and sunglasses. Or possibly to just point out that such a bland insult is nowhere near as interesting as telling me how I should jump into a binge pool. And without waiting a half hour after eating the pancakes, so there.

 

 

 

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Spam Poetry With Helpful Tips!

I’ve been getting some interesting spam poetry lately, so I thought I would pass it along while I’m getting other stuff together.  They range from the truly poetic to the useful trivial pursuit data:

1) Swing band arrangements generally integrate simple, recurrent materials or just commonly recognized as “riffs”. Improvisation was handed a preferential goal and soloist would attain when the relaxation on the band, apart from the beat element, stopped or maybe executed a little bit history lines. As we say “to swing”, is usually a phrase of compliment for executing a strong rhythmic drive or groove..

That’s cool, daddy-o.

2) “It’s empty,” I said, handing him the tub. A white vapor stream from the dry-ice inside escaped through a crack in the lid and slid down the side like an evaporating snake.

I am deeply confused — is the tub empty or full of dry-ice?

3) Make your mind up what measurement you’ll need. Just before renting an RV you’ll need to understand what dimension RV you may need. Commence using the range of folks you plan to journey with. A woman I spoke to lately stated she utilized to enable her little ones finger paint about the kitchen area flooring (vinyl flooring) simply because they may very well be as messy because they wished after which she would just mop it up once they have been accomplished! What an incredible notion! I in no way considered that one particular, but I applied to blow bubbles inside the residence for my young children if they were being minor. Don fear, it is not messy or challenging to clean up up until you spill them. The youngsters use a blast trying to pop the bubbles, and it really is a thing distinct from just blowing them exterior.

Vinyl flooring in the kitchen of your RV? Who’d have thunk it. And when you journey with people, make sure that they are okay with you blowing bubbles at them inside the RV when they are driving it.

4) Trying to write your name in so many ways, and decorate it with so many colors, just to ensure I would dream of you at night, and by chance you you would respond me so tenderly, knowing that both of us are loving the boot for men. The quiet music slowly flow over my soul, I write your name once more and then walk to the window. There’s no moon in the sky, but wind kissing my face. You are dancing in the wind.

Apparently, we are now booting the men out of the RV. Either this is trying to sell me perfume or I have a stalker.

5) Yes, we really like our dogs (I love my two) but they are still carnivores that we live with – not individuals or furry youngsters – they are meat eating animals that have the instincts to kill modest items inside of them. We are counting on to not attack and maim or kill our babies. The smallest dog that has ever killed a human was a six lb Pomeranian – it killed a 10 month old.

Best spam poetry ever.

 

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Plague is Upon My House, So Here, Enjoy Some New Spam Poetry

Biology is engaged in natural competition in my household, so spam poetry it is for now.

I have no idea what this first one is selling — possibly modern younger adult females — but it’s fascinating:

In many groups, potential members needed to be nominated by two current members, which method ensured a particular homogeneity in those who joined. For most of its earlier background, the Junior League was overwhelmingly white and Protestant, plus the New york team, which was for a very long time the biggest, experienced a repute for containing only upper-crust, modern younger adult females. The newest York team constructed a $1.2 million household for by itself in 1929 that had a swimming pool plus a squash court.

Potentially a colorful position setting to the kitchen area counter as well as open up coffee beans for aroma, and an open recipe e-book turned to some colorful photograph. Bogs dressed up with gorgeous towels, sweet smelling soaps, and window cures as shower curtains. Lastly, fireplace mantels embellished as if the relatives was now residing there..

“Are we there nonetheless?” is one thing you may hardly ever ought to hear again when getting the family members for any lengthy push. In-car leisure devices effective at participating in DVDs as of late are particularly advanced with capabilities like Dolby Electronic or DTS encompass audio features. On top of that, the existing multi-speaker set-up in most autos is frequently enough for surround sound.
Even now, even with no that, I thought this was one of several finest hentai titles I have witnessed. Good animation and character patterns along with the ‘story’ was all no muss, no fuss, receiving ideal on the intercourse. I realize volume two was just introduced this past July in Japan, so I hope we will see it in R1 soon..

Executive producer Seaton McLean experienced labored with Hennessy about the miniseries Nuremberg. “She’s a fantastic human currently being, proficient actor and excellent for your function. Jill was our number one option in addition to a pleasure to operate with,” he shares. Wool will be the conventional of luxurious and fiber option very long identified from the carpet market. Alternative location rug fibers are outlined by how they review for the conventional of good quality set forth by wool. Wool gives you heat, a good looking matte finish, longevity, and soil resistance.

There will also be a nasty odor from dry-cleaning fluids. Drying is usually problematic as a result of dimension of comforters and featherbeds. If down is not dried effectively, mildew will set in, leaving you that has a bad odor along with a dilemma for allergy sufferers. Choose a Contractor/Builder: You will have a contractor who will ordinarily have got a setting up crew that may be certified in all places related with developing a home. You may also require a surveyor, electrician, plumber, and making inspector for your different stages on the making system. Inquire the builder to review your design and style to generate there will not be any problems through setting up.

This one was about clothing, but then segues into a discussion of literature perhaps:

Behold, I have produced the smith – The sense of this verse is, that can impact your welfare is under my control. The smith who manufactures the instruments of war or of torture is beneath me. His life, his strength, his ability, are all in my hands, and he can do absolutely nothing which I shall not deem it greatest to permit him to do.

 

I tell you, spam is getting interesting. And speaking of interesting, the Department of Homeland Security has taken a note from the CDC on helping people prepare for disasters by giving tips on surviving zombie apocalypses. See, the agency is good for something!

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